Homesick

The paintings around me and the hand holding mine is the few pieces of home I have that remind me where I came from. 

I made the mistake of flipping through old photos of when I first hit the art scene in San Antonio. Bad idea! hahahaa As I sit here with a heart full of passion and eyes full of tears, I realize I got more than I bargained for. hell, I have more than I budgeted for lol

Straight Up, this move is alot harder than I expected. Literally starting from the beginning without any friends to invite to the show you booked through a person you met at first friday.

I miss my family, I miss my friends, I miss my city.

Its strange, this feeling. When I was in San Antonio I felt like I couldnt find a home. I constantly asked, "where do I belong? what kind of artist am I ? why am I doing this show that compromises my beliefs?" Everything became about making money and I felt like live art, something I am soo passionate about was exploited by some of the closest to people to me.

I love my culture and they way things used to be. I know, things change.. I know.. I just didnt like what I saw. I miss the way things used to be... when we were all rookies. When the passion was high. Meeting new friends at events, finding new music, seeing new art. These past few months started to feel like repetition. Same people, same places, same type of event.. oh and lets tag live art on there because its in. I even heard someone say that over the mic at an event I was painting at smh..  feel like the culture in my city has become saturated. Where is the passion? I miss Art Vibes, where everybody knows your name and your favorite beer on tap! hahaaa

Now I am in a city that promotes the fact that it has no culture! It is lovely here, the views are amazing however.. this is hard! starting from the ground up. Talking to everyone trying to find who you need to know to do shows and events. Then most people from home who would praise you when you did their shows no longer speak to you, no longer know your name. Its bitter. I feel like I have fallen off a cliff, landed on my face, and trying to find a direction to walk in. 

Then I think.. maybe that is what I needed to smack some sense into me. Why didnt I fight for what I believe in? Why didnt I stand up and create a new space for Art Vibes. Why did I let people put me in a box and label me what fit their event? Rookie mistakes I guess. 

Im starting to realize a city is more than its attractions and events. Its about the people. Time to meet new people. How can I move forward if I am always looking back?